Monday, December 7, 2009

Biel to Neuchatal, Switzerland








BIEL, SWITZERLAND JUNE 6 & 7

No trouble at the border. But there's some huge football match going on so there's a bunch of drunken hooligans milling around.
As we drove in we came up into the mountains. There were low, white clouds reaching up from the trees into the sky. Very ethereal and weird. We all watched them for awhile without speaking. After getting lost a few times, we found the 007 Club on the corner in the center of town. Our GPS has now been personified as a female. As in, “Why the fuck would you take a left there?”. “Because she fucking told me to!”
Biel-Bienne is very green and sits between Lake Biel and the densely wooded Jura Mountains. Its absolutely beautiful. The 007 seemed like a strip joint, but wasn't. And the show was in the basement, decorated in sort of a Halloween, tiki design with a large, dark green room behind the stage. A real sweet girl named Lillian brought us upstairs to our apt. after the soundcheck, and cooked us a Thai dinner that was outtasite. Matthias, the promoter, came up with some hash and some dudes. So I went into the bedroom and passed out for awhile. Matthias is an incredibly jovial and enthusiastic kinda guy, laughing at everything even if he doesnt understand what the fuck youre rambling on about; which is kinda nice, actually, at this point.He and Lillian really took care of us. This treatment seems so alien to me. Does anyone else remember the first time they toured Europe? It was fucking weird, huh?
So Harlan was drunk before the show started. Nick was stoned on hash and got stuck in a hash-hole creating elaborate setlists.
Eventually, when the crowd seemed greased up, we put on our hats and went out a started playing what was to be a perfect show. There were actually girls in the crowd in Biel, which helped the vibe. The guys in the crowd like watching the girls dance, and in turn, they start dancing and having a good time. It was the first show this tour with that kind of crowd, minus Berlin perhaps. Right around Recovery, though, Harlan broke the E string on his bass and had to rethink the rest of the set. Regardless, the show was killer. Afterwards the deejays played a bunch of soul tunes, R&B, garage, etc. Enough to make everyone dance, anyway. Lillian came up and talked to me after the set and said she lives “a cowboy lifestyle.” Im not sure what she really understood that to be. But she seemed convinced and earnest enough about it. She had visited the American Southwest in the spring and also ran through Southern California. She even knew where Riverside was. Nice girl.
Danced just a little, watched Harlan go crazy, had a lot o fun. The place was packed with crazy Swiss people dancing and smoking hash and freaking out. Eventually I went upstairs where we watched a bizarre musical on Swiss television. It was about singing gangsters and this fat, German geisha girl stood in a window and sang out to an ugly guy sitting at a desk with a red shoe on it. Then some gangsters wearing suits sang and shot at each other. But they would perform elaborate dance moves, including the worm, to elude the bullets. Finally the hero gets shot in the back while riding his motorcycle by a guy who looks like Orson Welles. He falls on his back and dies singing some stupid song.
We woke up to more crazy television. A 90s movie this time about a black rollerskating crew in the 70s, dubbed in German. Really stupid and really funny. Even made Harlan laugh. I watched a scene where these white rollerskaters diss on the black kids. And as they skate away they all point at them, twice, in unison and they skate away in formation like this:
We packed up our shit and drove over to Matthias apartment, which was real nice, even cheap he said, and had a gorgeous view of the mountain that overlooked the town and the Rolex factory that sat on the side of it.
I met Philip, who is a swiss watch maker working for Omega. We talked watches for awhile. When Nick met Philip and his buddy Alain in the states, he asked them, “What do you do?”. And Alain said, “Im a banker,” and Philip said, “Im a watch maker.” Natch . . .
Switzerland is just like youd expect it to be, only better. We had French jelly, St. Dalfour, this Vegeline paste in a tube, bread and rolls, yogurt, smoked fish and thinly sliced jambon, coffee, juice and grappe. Radishes and radish greens with oil and wine dressing. I opened the large container of yogurt and took a spoonful. Nick looked at me and says, “that's not just one serving you know.” And I said, “I know.” And Matthias turns around and says, “No, it's American size” and started laughing hysterically.
I also found on Matthias' fridge, one of those post-cards where you turn it and see two different pictures of this nakes Annie Oakley pin-up chick with an image of her in the tub, too. I used to wack-off to this same post-card years ago.
We finished breakfast, stopped by a dub/reggae record store with a decent vinyl section, bought some records, a Joe Gibbs single and some other stuff; went by a guitar shop and grabbed some bass strings for Harlan, and got stared at a lot. The Swiss people have been the coolest so far, but Europeans in general are weird and uptight.
JUNE 8
In the van nerd discussion – Best tremelo guitar sounds. “That would either be the dude from Mission of Burma or Os Mutantes.” My buddy Wade in Iowa actually had a super-old Brazilian music magazine that had an article about Baptista's brother, who would make all his guitar pedals for him out of found stuff. And what he found was a sewing machine. So he jerry-rigged the motor to run the volume oscillation of the tremelo and that's why it sounds so awesome.
The drive to Neuchatal was short, only 30km away. The show was in a large industrial building on this enormous lake, built on the side of a mountain on these narrow, winding streets, next to a waterfall. No shit. We unloaded our gear and took a look around. There was some important football match going on so there was lots of crazy people running around like fucking mental patients, yelling and screaming. The building itself had several levels, ours had a medium sized room, enough for 200 people or so, with a bar underneath a balcony where the soundboard sat. Even tho the digs seemed nice and pro, our sound check took for-fucking-ever because of faulty equipment and an incompetant soundman (Isis t-shirt, shaved head with 3 dreads coming out back). We must have sound-checked for 2 hours, no kidding. After that I looked around the place a bit more. There was a giant Euro-Rave going on next door and down a level and there was a gang of European wiggers running around and aggravating the shit out of me. People are always running around here. Me and Nick got our pictures taken with what seemed like the Swiss Army Marching Band that was coming down the backroad and up the mountain. Then we went up to the green room to eat dinner and nap. The food was good and hot, although they never really offer too much in terms of non-dairy stuff for Jeff.
To our chagrin, these wigger deejays and their buddies kept coming up to our green room, which was set up like an apartment with a main room, a kitchen, a bathroom and shower and 3 bedrooms. One guy came into one of the bedrooms and was looking at Harlan's stuff, lifting up his jacket, etc. And Nick walked in on him and told him to get lost. This kind of bullshit was to go on for the rest of the night, pretty much. I was ready to go “crazy American” on them at anytime, tho. Because, 1. I hate electrodisco Eurotrash, 2. I hate them being in my green room & 3. I hate wiggers of any nationality in any green room in any principality of Europe. Nick tipped me off on the “crazy American” vibe that they had learned will accommodate any situation you might find yourself in when some greasy foreigner tries to front on you. An incredibly versatile persona, the “crazy American” can be conformed to your tastes as long as you adhere to two basic credos: that you are crazy, and that you are American.
Matthias band, who had followed us from Biel, was “cute.” Lotsa synth, guitarist was a nice guy and looked like a TransAm extract, except that his guitar was way too quiet, instead of way too loud. The music was like a non-weird Throbbing Gristle playing popular tunes. I dunno really what it was. Im sure theres some band Im not aware of that they sounded like since I have such a narrow-minded opinion about music. As dark and gothic as Swiss synth-pop can get, I guess. They had a lot of sound problems due to the shabby soundguy (who later said we were like an American redneck rockandroll band, which confused us until we realized what our union suits must have looked like to the Europeans) and Monica, their singer, stood on the stage with her chest out, singing at the top of her lungs. That was earnest and cool and brave at the time. Good drummer and keyboardist too. I think they had a Nord Lead of some type, a Juno 106, and a Micro-Korg, which I saw played right for the first time ever. God I hate those little fuggers.
Jeff and I, and maybe Nick, too, drank a gallon of Absinthe before the show. The girl tending bar called me aside and told me that it was made in her village. She was very proud of that and smiled very sweetly about the whole thing. I told her that we were fucking blasted.
After Audio Quattro got done, we went back up to the green room and put on our red union suits. We were all completely stoned on Absinthe and hash. Jeff stuffed his suit with pillows, which was hysterically funny. We were running around like madmen. When we finally went onstage, the room was PACKED with people. Lots of girls dancing, dudes yelling. During a break. I took two feathers out of the headdress I was wearing and gave them to the two girls standing in front of me. A tall blonde dressed in black, wearing gold heels that sparkled. And a short blonde with a white t-shirt and no bra. They were both very very young and reminded me of American girls. Before the show, Harlan bet me 10 Euro who could get a hard-on first while playing onstage. The Union suits were so revealing, I just didnt want to be embarrassed by looking like I had a tiny little mosquito dick. Just put yourself in my shoes: Yer tryin to concentrate on what youre doing, the soundman sucks, you cant fucking hear yourself and you have 2 keyboards, 8 pedals, a guitar and lyrics to contend with. Youve drank a bathtub full of Swiss moonshine, essentially, and smoked a bale of what someone told you was hash. Now you have to pull a fucking strong-dong onstage or you lose 10 Euro. And what's that in Yankee dollars? Like 50 bucks!! Boy, I fucking TRIED. And, MAYBE I could have gotten the fire started a couple times, but as soon as I would have to think about what I was doing, all that bullshit disappeared. I stared at the one girls sparkly gold heels for awhile, which almost worked. But, alas, nothing. Fortunately, neither one of us won the bet, since Harlan is a limp-dick motherfucker anyway. Heh heh.
But ANYWAY, back to the feathers. After the show, Daniel, the mustachiod Trans Am fluffer from Audio Q, tells me there's some weird “how you say” sect of kooks around these Swiss mountains somewhere that has this bizarre ritual thing. There's a shaman wizard leader or something and if he gives one of the girls in the cult a white feather, that means she is his sex slave and can only have sex with him for one year. And the different color feather mean different things. Like a red feather means she's gotta copulate during her cycle, a pink feather would be for a virg, and a brown feather would mean whatever brown feathers mean. I dont know if this dude was pulling my leg or not, but I decided that I needed to get the feathers back from those girls pronto. I even tried to pawn the job off to Monica, but she said, “Oh, no! You dug your grave, now you have to lie in it!”
Creem Dreem Blues and Sgt. Chowder are going off very well. The crowds scream and scream after those songs. They are getting easier to play with the band, too. I was originally too attached to my 4track versions to want to play them with VLADRM. But, they are working out okay.
Anyway, the show went well. The set is becoming tighter,.But, after the last coupla nights, its becoming somewhat boring, Harlan and I have decided. The costumes definitely helped, tho. After J'ai Mal Aux Dents, another one of my 4track recordings (a loose Faust nod) we continued to sing while Harlan stood on top of his amp, playing the riff on the guitar. And Nick, Jeff and I marched out into the audience, singing at the top of our lungs, then out the back door. We could hear the crowd screaming bloody murder inside, so we went back out and did a couple more. And after the very last song the whole act turned into this surreal travelling medicine show with Harlan as the carnival barker and Jeff playing the floor tom with his mallets. Our first customer came onstage, a rather annoying, tall, shaggy blonde-haired ape who I had run into earlier. And Harlan greets him and announces to the crowd, “Our first customer, ladies & gentlemen! But where's his money?” The crowd screamed. Positioned at the rear of the stage, I snuck up behind the guy in the commotion and fished his wallet out of his back pocket while Harlan had his arm around the guys shoulders. I held up the wallet on the other side of Harlan for the crowd to see and they roared. We made a lot of money that night selling records. Some deejays played R&B/garage/soul records again and everybody danced and drank. I knew I must have looked stupid, wearing a red union suit, thick brown ROMCOs, and Indian headdress and a suit jacket. But I didnt care. I just felt like dancing. The Swiss girls are funny, too. Theyll sort of sneak up on you, dancing, without getting too close. Then theyll either stare at you or smile and wait for you to do something. Or theyll act completely bored and nonplussed, desperately waiting for you to make a move. I spent most of the night making these girls wait. Too bad for them I wasnt planning on doing anything anyway. I was too stoned and enjoying my own self. Except for this one girl who had pinched my nipples TWICE when I was onstage. She was harshing my ride. I was constantly trying to get away from this psycho. Later I saw her trying to make out with a girl who wasnt as drunk as she was, and the girl was getting ANGRY.
I hung with Monica for a bit, talking and dancing, laughing at all these weird, Brooklyn-ish Swiss chicks. They were definitely taking notes from something. Big Mama Thorton's Hound Dog came on and I told Monica I was from Memphis. I watched her think for a second and then a sly grin creeps upon her face and she says, “SO WHAT!” and turns her nose up on me. This chick was pretty hilarious. I think she was flirting pretty hard with me, Nick and Jeff. She asked me if I was wearing underwear under my union suit. I was explaining to her unusual english phrases when Nick walked up, and I took that opportunity to split and go back upstairs. Jeff and Matthias were smoking hash and talking about Rothschild, Rockefeller and the Federal Reserve. This was more my speed. I jumped in the shower and then got in bed. Pretty soon the whole band came back into the bedroom to sleep. It was after 5am, I think. The pink sky was opening up outside and a mist was coming down the mountain and disapating into the lake. Old Swiss couples were circling in rowboats and rocking violently as the occasional crazed water-skier flew by. It was going to be a beautiful summer day. We all laid there in the dark for a moment and all of a sudden it dawned on me, “You know what guys? You know what sound cats love? 'Chirp, chirp, chirp.'”
The nexy day we packed our gear and hit the road. Into France, thru what I guessed were the Pyrenees. I left my map at home. The mountains are beautiful, unbelievably. And the weather is mild, partly cloudy where they roll by very low and fast, dipping and rising out of the mountains.



















Tuesday, November 25, 2008

VLADM summer 08 tour blog - GERMANY




Munich.
Middle Eastern camera shops, used archaic computer parts, sex shows, delis, tobacco shops, old hotels. The club was in a neon hallway outta Xristiane F. through a strip mall in the middle of the city. We found an old Leica camera when they still the Nazi eagle emblem on them in a shop nearby. There was a model train shop across the hall from the club.
The 59 to 1 Club was pretty big. Bad sound. Ian, the promoter/chef there, cooked us a big meal with curried vegetables and celery schnitzel. They also had a Senseo machine, which led me to drink about 10 cups of coffee. We all got pretty drunk, especially Harlan and Nick. The sound was awful, the show was tired, but the music was swirling. Lots of feedback, delay and tone washes. It saved us. Afterwards we sold a bunch of records. The downloads we have for sale seemed to confuse the Germans. The Europeans, all in all, are way more interested in vinyl. But, there's always some chick going on and on about how her parents have a record player, but she doesnt. Nick says, maybe your parents are cooler than you. And I say, then you should buy your daddy one of our records.
The hotel we stayed in smelled like anal sex. Really. Dirty ass fucking. We checked in and went up to our room, only to find a small room with one small bed, no bathroom, no sink and no television. Harlan went down to get a second room and Jeff and I got the key, wandered through the hotel (elaborate, beautifully ancient, but still stinky) and eventually found our room, which had 2 beds, a bathroom & shower, a window with a view of the square and a T.V. We slept late.


MUNICH SETLIST JUNE 4
1 hour
wrong ways
sgt chowder
dub yello house
high numbers
needle to the heart . . .
recovery
that dont make me feel good
getting better
hashishans
creem dreem blues
jai mal aux dents
the hand


We spent the morning looking for a downtown shop, supposedly with hundreds of Bollywood movies that Nick had found the last time he was there. The search led us to a park where my dope senses started to tingle as I watched a group of Middle Eastern dudes make clandestine exchanges. Nick bought a sandwich with a whole entire herring stuffed inside it. I got a crawfish sandwich with Asian slaw and while eating away on it noticed a donut vendor. I ordered a cinnamon one and watched a big, fat German dude stab it down onto a giant syringe that injected applesauce into it. Hot damn! I immediately started yelling for someone, anyone, to come take a look at this shit. Nick was nearby and turned it down at first. But after watching me eat mine, and reluctantly letting him have a bite, he ended up going back to get one.

The drive to Darmstadt led us through the Black Forest, dark clouds, and an unusual amount of traffic. We are trying to decrease our amount of stuff as much as possible before Switzerland, so there was a lot of cigarettes being smoked along the way. I started to feel sick in the van, so I melted away into my headphones. But they were so huge and ill-fitting that they began to give me a headache, and in turn my tooth started throbbing again. It's like a little man is dying inside my mouth. We listened to an Alex Jones podcast that Jeff had with him and drove on in to Darmstadt.
Very quiet, narrow streets. Eerily quiet. Some parts of the town reminded me of Southern California for some reason. Semi-rural coastal towns like Palos Verdes. The club was actually a music school built in 1835 and used as “alternative schooling” since the War. The room we played in was down a flight of stairs in a dark, stone cavern with several dark arched hallways, a bar and the room with the stage, which was once a swimming pool nestled down in this stone dungeon. Voodoo Kong opened for us. They were awful, but the drummer wore a monkey mask. He was similar in stature to Ian S. or Bobby Conn. But he couldnt save his shitty band. Our show was lackadaisical at best. But Nick seemed to enjoy it. If theres one thing about Nick, he realizes the value of entertainment and will give %100 of himself even if its a tired night or, even worse, a tired crowd. I dont know if he learned this from Jeff Evans in '68 or if he's always had this sense of duty. Either way, its very deeply ingrained. Again, the crowd bought a ton of records. One guy asked me what album Creem Dreem Blues was on. And although all my CDRs arent ready, I havent been able to reduce and copy the cover so I can sell them.
After the show we sat and talked to Roman, from Redondo Beat, for a long while. I gave him a Teledildonics CDR. Cool dude, he reminded me a little of Greg Faison from the Antique Curtains, etc. Roman is going to try to make it to Memphis for GonerFest.






DARMSTADT SETLIST JUNE 5 @ BESSUNGER KNABENSCHULE
dub s.s.
1 hour
wrong ways
hashishans
sgt chowder
recovery
dub yellow house
high numbers
creem dreem blues
getting better
that dont make me feel good
jai mal aux dents
- - - -
to the park
push and pull
new real politik






After saying so long to Roman, we drove a couple miles to the place we were staying for the night. To our amazement, it was a massive, stone castle with a garden, stone paths, gargoyles and a general “haunted vibe.” We were all pretty wasted, especially Jeff, once we made it up to our room on the second floor. Apparently, the castle had been abandoned and is now run as a co-op with government funding. This seems to be common over here, but obviously very rare in the states, where our taxes mostly go the the military and politically motivated blowjobs. Our bedroom was large, but there was a nest of spiders behind my bed. So I moved to a set of mattresses stacked up on top of each other in the center of the room, which led to several Princess and the Pea comments that got real old real quicklike. Nick and I both thought that when the spiders marched on me in the night, their theme should be Joe Meek. Prolly March of the Globbots. Harlan rolled up the rest of Jeff's stuff and we went out to the garden to smoke. We stood on the winding, iron staircase and got super crazy. I had a big, black blanket wrapped around my head and felt like Count Dracula. Harlan and I wondered how old the castle must have been and what weird events must have transpired there over time. There's a large part of European history that is based on lineage. Some count or lord built this place or his family and his descendants. It's not like that in the US. Americans dont think that far ahead.
I wanted to go for a walk, but was way too tired at that point. But Harlan went for a stroll out in the darkness and came back really spooked. He said he had felt like the guy in the horror movie who was about to get whacked, only he didnt know it but the audience did. He said, “Brendan, youre educated. What do you know about German history? Back in the B.C.?” And I turned my head and said, “Well Harlan, in the B.C.?” And he said, “Yep.” And I said, “the 'Before Coconuts' time?” And he said, “Exactly.” So I went on, “It all started with the Visi-Goths, a roaming group of barbarians obsessed with blackness and Bauhaus. That's actually how painted, black nails came into fashion later.
“The rest of European culture had advanced very far. The Romans subjugated the German tribes.”
Harlan asked me, “Who fought the Visi-Goths?”
I pensively paused for a second and replied, “The 49ers. With lazerguns.”
Nick piped in, “They had a great quarterback that year.”
I continued, “Europe was eventually united through German ingenuity by a series of pneumatic tubes and tunnels that were used to transport goods and foodstuffs. That's actually how WWII got started, because of the lack of air pressure in Germany.”
“And that leads us up to today,” I finished.
My story had lulled everyone to sleep. German History 101.








The next morning Nick and I went over to a park between the music school and the castle and ran around the grounds surrounding this giant house. I have no idea who lived there or what kind of building it was. A government house or a museum of some sort maybe. But the park was great and it was warm and sunny. We took a bunch of photos and then hit the road.












Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Viva L'American Death Ray Music European Tour Blog Pt. 1







The Tight Pants, Small Cars Tour 2008


May 28th, 8:00 pm EST over Nova Scotia. Flight 102 to Amsterdam.

Left the airport in Jersey at about 5:15. Thirtysix hundred plus miles across the Atlantic.
Should arrive about 7:18 am local time. Amsterdam is 6 hours ahead of NYC, and 7 hours ahead of Memphis.
Jeff and I both arrived in New York this week and spent a couple days with Nick and Laura, eating nice meals and going to a David Mancuso disco party. Laura put a tiny, purple lame (as in the fabric "luh-MAY" - can't type the accent over the "e" here) hat on my head and told me it was worth $200. One of her clients is running a new fashion line and gave her one to try out. Only in Brooklyn, people. We took a camera and went out, stumbling down the street . I couldnt even take myself seriously with this hat on, but people kept telling me all nite how great it was. My entire sense of whats right was thrown outta wack. We went to Congee Village on the Lower East Side in Manhattan one nite and I had abalone and frog congee, sweet potato pancakes and a lychee martini. The Congee Village is right over the bridge.
This flight is gonna be long. We will be in Europe until July 1st.





Im like a thunder stealing photo gnome appearing in the craziest places. The thunderstealer takes Brooklyn . . .

APOCALYPTIC DISASTER MOVIES PT. 1


8. Terminator 3 (but not until the end . . .)
9. Hell Comes To Frogtown
10. Living Dead . . . series
11. Rabies
12. I Am Legend
13. La Jetee
14. 12 Monkeys
15. Day After Tomorrow
16. Planet of the Apes
17. The Stand (T.V. Miniseries)
18. The Day After
19. Cloverfield
20. War of the Worlds
21. Stuff

subheading: DYSTOPIAN FUTURES *
1. 1984
2. Brazil
3. Soilent Green
4. Fahrenheit 451
5. Logan's Run
6. THX 1138
7. City of Lost Children
8. Children of Men
9. V (T.V. Miniseries)
10. Minority Report
11. Escape from New York
12. Rollerball
13. Nuke 'Em High
14. Blade Runner
15. Them
16. Total Recall
17. Screamers

*Also reference NEW version of Dr. Bronner's Liquid Soap where he comments that World War IV will be fought with sticks, stones and other melee weapons; An idea I've ALREADY considered.

ESSAYS 2 Finish:
“World War IV: Methods of Melee”
“Toads: Good to keep or to eat”
“There Will Be Blood v. Giant: parallels, powerful assholes, prairies, etc.”

Groningen, Holland.
Jeff DOES fit into those blue jammies! He left them at my house last year when VLADRM played the Shangri-La Pops Festival, or was it when we recorded in December? Yes, I think so. Those fucking jammies are so small, every girl that's tried to put them on has failed. We're at Robert's place now in Groningen, relaxing. After the rendezvous with Harlan this afternoon at the airport, Jeff and him split to take our equipment here by van. Harlan has been in France for several weeks already, chilling with Anne in L'Argeles, eating ice cream and screwing. Me and Nick stayed behind to catch a train since the van was full. While waiting to go to the train station, I snapped a picture in front of the airport and was immediately accosted by two Dutch cops with submachine guns. I had to explain to them that I was a tourist and a musician. They aggressively wondered why I was at the entrance to the airport when I said I had just landed. I had no fucking idea myself, but I surely didnt see why I had to explain it to these two clowns. Talking to pigs can really remind you of what a space cadet you can be. I felt like I was stuck in a bad comedy skit (I took a shampoo over to Holland). The picture that got me busted:




After that debacle I found Nick and we took a very pleasant train ride with Nick from Amsterdam thru Amsfoort to Groningen, where Robert, our booking agent and go-to guy, houses his bands before they go on tour.



I think he organized the Intelligence's and Jack and Harlan's tour recently. The town seems cool at first glance, but my jetlag was too overwhelming to notice anything. We practiced in an old Catholic hospital from a million years ago. The lights down the long, dark hallways would flicker and I wandered around in a daze, turned a corner and saw Harlan creeping aroud like a monster, trying to scare me in the strobe of the overheads. The band thinks the closer in proximity that I get to the space, the worse my mood escalates. We went over many, many songs. I don't know how many. But many. Mostly new ones. Why look back? We did that old stuff. It's time for something new. So afterwards we rode our bikes in the cool, dark night back to Roberts where I sent an email home and completely crashed.
Roberts apartment is filled with rock and roll memorabilia, comic books, movie posters, show flyers, toys and robots, etc. It makes me feel at home in a way. Yesterday we were trying to figure out where to sit in the van and he says, “You have to sit in the back. You're the fat one in the band.” Everyone started laffing. “It's easy to be the fat one when everyone else is anorexic,” said Jeff.
The sun is shining today. My jetlag is over but Im up early. Took a walk downtown with Jeff. Saw a floating pancake ship on the canal that runs thru the center of town. Will have to eat there before we leave. Then ran errands with the dudes. Saw a giant pump organ at the thrift store for 30 euro. Rifled thru a record store. Passed Vera, a club that I read about tonite in an Oblivians tour diary from 10 years ago or so. Also read a little of Ben Waller's tour diary. Smoked some Dutch cigarettes, rehearsed. Rented bikes downtown and rode around.
It was beautiful outside today, and nice and cool tonite. Rode thru the red light district. Hooks in giant windows sitting in tiny rooms set up to look like cozy, sexy bedrooms. They looked old, bored, roly-poly. Saw two balloons that looked like Dr. Seuss titties. One smiled at me, but I didnt feel like slowing down to chat.
There are lots of frogs outside. They sound loud and crazed. Robert lives across the street from a park with a huge lake. I bet theyre all swimming around in there.






Monday.
Spent the weekend rehearsing in the hospital, laffing hysterically at everything. Nick and I heard air sirens today and they sounded weird. Rising tones that fall very quickly and then begin rising again, but to a higher note than before, with another quick drop and so on. Nick was pretty frightened. He said, “Futureshock!”
We are sitting in Robert's living room, working on album covers and stencils for t-shirts, listening to the Fall's Extricate.
Bought two Thai cigarettes yesterday. Nick's stuff wasnt really working on me for some reason. But the Thai stuff wasnt that much better. Anything that comes in a blister pack cant be that good.
The candy here in this country is horrible. So are the cookies and pastries. The food in general is horrible: spongey, chewy breads, mystery meats and bland, barely ground beef. Bland, brown sauces and catsups. And everything is expensive. The dollar is shit.




To Berlin.
Our van is red. Perfect size to stuff our equipment into a massive puzzle in the back. The band is very fond of both antiquated technology and that of the present and future. We have a magical telephone that can call the states or anywhere around Europe. We have a telesponder adapter for the digital music player so that motherfucker will jam thru the car stereo. We have a Global Positioning System, about the size of a deck of cards, that sends an atomic signal up to this satellite somewhere in space where a little monkey sits and punches buttons, peels bananas and watches Mr. Belvedere and Battlestar Galactica. Then the signal comes back and tells us where we are. We just look at our van driving around on the screen and this woman tells us where to go. Futureshock!
We are smoking at separate times to keep the cabin from filling up with acrid smoke. Im thinking Berlin is at least 6 hours away. It's a fuggin miracle we left as early as we did. We might have some problems on the border, so I hear. As far as I understand, I probably wont get arrested. So thats good news. What a refreshing change! I can just see it, “Hes done jailtime the world over!” Nevertheless, we've collected our mass of stuff and ditched some, disguised the rest. Jeff, I think, has some Moroccan stuff. I have half a cigarette of Thai stuff and Nick has some SnowWhite from somewhere. I also have some sleeping pills, but I have a script for those. Not sure if the German border patrol will care . . .
Harlan is jamming on Ennio Morricone. He says Golden Triangle should cover Magic & Ecstasy. Harlan and I agreed recently that GT is a far better band than VLADRM for the sheer amount of youthful energy they have.
VLADRM has played Berlin twice before, but this is my first time with them. I quit right before the band left for their first European tour. And a few years went by. I remember standing on the sidewalk outside the Cotton Exchange (Jamie and Todd Valentine's place) when it used to be open on Cooper. I was completely strung out and talking to Nick, “I cant do this anymore. Im too far gone. Im just going to continue to fuck things up.” And Nick begged me not to quit. He was begging me. I think he wanted to keep me safe, to watch over me by keeping me close to him. But I fell out anyway and finally shrunk down into nothingness.
But now Im back. Im a fucking machine.
BERLIN.
Its busy here. Ive had the best falafel Ive ever had this morning. Harlan and I stayed at Razzi's girlfriend's flat. It was a consuming darkness last night and we walked down the street and thru a courtyard, then up a pitch black staircase several floors to her place. Everything is making me think of modern industrial Germany, socialist nationalism and Nazi rule. Its not really that way, obviously. Its just funny how this place, in my imagination, is an amalgamation of things like Christiane F., Herzog/Kinski, and all the kraut band Ive ever dug. This morning when I woke up I could hear what sounded like old nationalist folk music coming thru the open window from the courtyard below. I sat in the bathtub for awhile and shaved and the sunlight filled up the bathroom. Later Harlan and I sat down at a picnic bench outside a cafe and drank coffee. People were everywhere. Big fat German guys yelling into the street and Middle Eastern women gossiping with each other. I walked around the corner to buy some cigarettes and eventually bumped into Nick.
Last night's show was my first ever in Europe. It was as normal as any other show, for the most part. The Bang Bang Club is in the Mitte, basically the center of what was once West Berlin. The club sat under a railway line near the canal and the Dom. The promoter was this lively German girl in a t-shirt and cotton skirt. She rode up on a bike while we were waiting outside. And within minutes of letting us in, there was coffee, bread, meats and vegetables, candy and chocolates, wine, soda, water and beer all set up for us in the green room downstairs. Razzi (Boy from Brazil) showed up with a French TV crew led by this tall, blonde chick who was very plastic. Her sense of enthusiasm was unsettling. She was so excited about everything. “Yes, it is a very exciting day for you to be playing.”
Nick did a stream of consciousness interview comparing and contrasting Berlin to other cities in the world. And this chick kept having to re-ask him her mundane questions. I piped in with a capper and they were gone. Her eyes were just too wide. When she walked in everyone was smoking doobs. I dont know if that was weird for them or what. Anyway, I put on an Indian headdress and with a very hazy mind went upstairs and onstage. The show went well. The film crew was in our faces. The crowd was dancing. Everyone went bonkers after Creem Dreem Blues. I kept looking out at them. They were German.
After the show we sold a bunch of records from the stage. I met these three British soldiers who were on leave in Berlin. One of them had just gotten back from Afghanistan. And one was yelling in my ear about his stupid band. I asked the other one, “What was it like over there?” And he said, “I was sitting in a trench, huddled down looking at a picture of my wife and family, crying, with bullets flying by my head.” I wanted to ask him why the fuck he would want to do that. But I didnt want to get into it.
The crowd was pretty intense. They loved the show, apparently, and they all wanted to talk to us at the same time. So I went back downstairs to chill.
Later a disco party got started upstairs. I went up there to pack up my gear and stood on the stage, motionless, watching 16 year old German girls dancing aimlessly to Joy Division. I quickly went back downstairs where I was informed by Razzi that 16 is the legal age in Germany. Yikes. Razzis quite a trip. His sense of humor is evolved in a way, similar to ours. That shit never seems to gel. But it did with Razzi. And although I would have liked to stay up and take in the city and talk to him about girls and Can, I chose to hit the haypile instead.